Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
