so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
