Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
