His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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