Are we in a gay sports bar?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You took a bar mat shot.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
