Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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