It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
