I want to have your abortion
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
