I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
