If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
