I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
