Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
