if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
