just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
