The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
