guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
