So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
