i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
