In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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