Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
