Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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