Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
