my phone needs a breathalizer
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
