I'm gonna have a badass scar
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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