I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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