the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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