My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and she was petting her beer can
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
