Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
