I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
