If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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