I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
