Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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