I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
