why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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