Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
