hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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