Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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