the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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