Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
