i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
