There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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