I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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