I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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