I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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