Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
