you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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