So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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