I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
