Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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