He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
