All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This baby is an asshole
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
